A Mom On How Her Family Balances Self-Care & School During COVID-19

Like most parents, I feel the stress during this unusual and extraordinary time. Mothers, fathers, and caregivers of children are facing impossible decisions as they perpetually rise to step into new and more robust, hands-on roles as co-educators and, for many, as the entire social construct most kids will have regular interactions with. Besides the tremendous amount of work this entails, especially when partnered with jobs, relationships, and expectations of their own, parents are under a remarkable amount of pressure to make the best of a situation that is challenging at best. Inevitably, the first thing most of us with young kids will let slide is how well we take care of ourselves because taking care of them feels like it absolutely has to be the priority. While it's true, it's also important to recommit to demonstrating care for ourselves, too.

It's true, it's not as easy to find or accept help these days, with social distancing guidelines in place and our desire to keep everyone safe and healthy. If you have another helpful person around your home and family regularly (a partner, grandparent, neighbor, friend, etc.), don't be afraid to reach out and leverage whatever community you do have to cover with your kids' home schooling while you take a 20-minute moving-meditation walk or the first shower you've managed in four days.

If you truly are an island, as so many are right now, remember that your kids can be your community, too. Of course your kids have needs that have to be fulfilled (and it's tough to reason with a baby or a toddler), but older kids want their parents to be happy, knowing their happiness directly translates to happiness for everyone. Younger kids can play alongside you while you stretch on the living room floor or can be your jogging buddy for your morning run. Sure, it might eat into their regularly scheduled art or snack time, but they'll be better for it.

Things are different now. They might be for a while. Like many, I've mourned the loss of what my "normal" was while recognizing the shortcomings of "normal" for so many in our society, and I'm ready to embrace whatever chapter comes next. But the thing is, no one knows what that will look like yet. Right now, we're in the trenches of building something more sustainable, more conscious, and hopefully something that feels and fits better for more of our society.

If you're like most of the world and start your day with some form of media, it's easy to get going on a tirade from the moment you open your eyes. When you find yourself cursing the world around you and feeling very "why me"-ish, call yourself out and turn your burdens around.

For example, on a video call I truly didn't want to be on for work, I reframed it to say to myself, "I'm so lucky I have someone who wants to meet with me so eagerly that they're willing to take time in a pandemic to talk to me virtually." That alone completely transformed the way I went into my video call and made the rest of my day feel brighter somehow.

Lately, I've been trying to talk to myself like a friend. When I mess something up, I say, "You really tried to do that well, and it was harder than you thought! We'll try that again sometime, and you'll be so much better at it now that you know what doesn't work." When my house is a disaster two days after I spend three hours finally deep-cleaning it, I say, "You had a clean house for two whole days! Next time, the kids will chip in, and we'll figure out a good plan to keep it looking better for three or four days!"